Canucks Christmas Checklist

Christmas time is here! Here’s the gifts your favorite Canucks are hoping Jolly Old Saint Nick leaves in their stockings and under their Christmas trees.

JT Miller: A brand new contract. With a potential MVP season coming from JT, he is a UFA at the end of the season, and probably thinks he deserves a new contract with a big pay raise.

Alex Ovechkin: A pie dish. While Ovi only has 10 goals on the season, he leads the team with 30 assists on the season. That is a lot of apples, so a pie dish gives him a way to use those apples, making a tasty dessert for his entire family for the holidays.

Elias Pettersson: Tape. Lots of Tape. With a shooting percentage of 16.4%, lots of tape will help keep his stick together, which should keep his shooting percentage at the same rate for the entire season.

Thatcher Demko: A weighted Blanket. This season has not been good for Thatcher so far, with a GAA of almost 3, and inconsistent playtime with James Reimer. He is probably very stressed, and a weighted blanket will help him calm down, and stop a few more pucks as well.

James Reimer: A video camera. This season is one to remember for Reimer, with a save percentage of .929, and a GAA of 2.44, he is likely really enjoying his season so far. A video camera will help him save the memories of how good it is for him now.

Bo Horvat: A captain’s armband. While he was previously the captain of the Canucks, under the new GM, there is no captain as the GM believes it’s a team effort. An armband will help him feel more comfortable without having a C on his jersey.

Nathan Bastian: A Magnet. Nathan plays about 8 minutes a night but has possession of the puck for one second per game. A magnet to touch puck more and score more goals as he somehow has 4 on the season despite this.

Tyler Myers: Ice Packs. Unfortunately for Myers, he leads the team in hits received and shots blocked, so he must be in a lot of pain. Ice Packs would be a welcome site for him, to allow all his bruises and aches to potentially heal before he goes to the next game.

Quinn Hughes: A Rolex watch. Quinn Hughes leads the Canucks with almost 26 minutes a night of ice time, and over 800 minutes for the season. A brand-new watch can help him keep track of all this time at his disposal.

David Perron: A Rabbits foot. Perron has the most own shots blocked on the team, so he clearly must be very unlucky. A rabbit’s foot may help him get out of the way of more shots and allow the team to score more goals.

Max Pacioretty: A new stick. Every hockey players dream on Christmas. However, this may be more of a necessity to help him rebound from his awful 4.5 shooting percentage.

Ryan Hartman: Anything but Coal. Ryan’s been a very naughty boy this year, with the most penalty minutes on the team. Anything but coal would be a Christmas miracle for this troublemaker.

Brandon Montour: Fast food. Brandon is ranked 3rd in takeaways on the team, so more takeout and fast food seems right up his alley.

Collin Miller: A Blackhawks jersey. This player may be the player most likely on the naughty list. He has the lowest plus minus, so he must be allowing more goals when he is on the ice. A Blackhawks jersey would fit perfectly for this potential traitor.  

Alex Goligoski: A crossword and hard copy of newspaper. Being the oldest on team, Alex only needs the simplest things in his life. A crossword puzzle is the perfect thing for him to do in the early mornings, while he waits for his team to wake up.

Brad Hunt: Bus ticket back to Abbotsford. Brad is performing at a much better level in Abbotsford, where he already has 41 points on the season. A trip back to Abbotsford may be the best thing for him, so he can play the game he loves instead of sitting on the bench.  

Jonathan Marchessault: A practice goalie. Jonathan may be very lonely as he is often doing his best work on the ice when there are less people on it. He currently leads the team in shorthanded goals, so a practice goalie can give him some company when he is on the ice.